Vanlife uk has the wave passed?
I have wanted a camper van for a very long, during COVID all I saw on YouTube and social media was vanlife uk videos, that life style seemed to go hand in hand with the mountain bike community, something out of the norm for most people, something for those pesky out door types.
I love the great outdoors, I always have and always will, both for the beauty of being alone in the wildness, the smell of pine forests in the rain to cliff jumping in waterfalls for natures ultimate adrenaline rush. Suffering from social anxiety being around people can be difficult for me, being in a well lit pub with people sat round a table fills me with dread, just as sleeping in the woods alone in the dark is a fear others would not consider.
So yes, vanlife was something that interested me greatly, I decided it was time, I would sell my Kia Sportage, top of the line, heated seats, electric folding mirrors, double glass sun roofs, fully fitted tow bar with electrics, low mileage and body work in great condition, I should be able to trade it in for a right belter. or so I thought.
Nothing could quite prepare me for the jaw dropping moment I looked at prices for a VW t6 with full camper van conversion, near on £65 to £75k are you taking the piss, the piss of kings? are you taking the right royal piss! I only paid £85k for my house. Am I some sort of lower class peasant who scoffs at anything over 10k. Seems so.
After the piss had been emptied and my bowels running dry, I picked the grit from my lower jaw and laughed at the sales guy, “What the fucking ell mate I said, 75 bags, blummin ummers what a rip off” He looked at me without shifting his Arthur Daley stare and didn’t seem amused as I was laughing with an undertone of ‘You rip off scamming bastards” no my mistake, that was the usual cost of a t6 descent camper, I left in my Sportage with heated seats on full and drove off laughing with arse on fire.
Time to re evaluate.
I now needed to look at the bottom feeder vans, vans that were around the 15k mark, the way I saw it, you sleep, wash ya pots, and drive around, so how can a vw or god forbid a top end Ford be that much better? (I still don’t understand the cost difference, vw are rust buckets and the quality is nowhere near what they used to be, Ford are unreliable so I’m told).
My friend at the time was a car dealer who was just starting to sell camper vans, same dog eggs, 35k to 75k. He had sold me cars in the past, a vw Scirocco, a Calibra, a Punto, a Vectra, some of which were how shall we say it.. shite.
So he was on thin ice, he knew I always wanted a Van so he owed me the way I saw it, I had spent a lot of chocolate buttons over the years so now was the time he had to do me right.
Along came 'Peper' , a 2018 Citroen Dispatch 1.6 silver camper converted van dropped from Cleopatra's loins, straight onto the forecourt and waiting for me to give to her asap. Initially I didn’t feel right about the van, you can never,never,never…..NEVER trust a car sales man, a 2nd hand car salesman at that.. ever.. Friend or no friend, they lie for a living and would sell their granny’s knickers if it meant a profit.
The offer on the table, was 9k for the best car I have ever owned and £4.5 extra for me to stump up, so in my head that meant for £4.5k I could have a camper van that looked great, it had black alloys, a heater, no body damage, cooker, fold up bed, and a custom new steering wheel, whoo hooo, I got a ‘semi on’ just thinking about it. The bulge soon went down when I looked at insurance.
50 years old and still want over £800 for insurance.. scamming bastards.
I did the math and went back down to see said mate/saleman/grannies knicker seller, and wanted to know more about the van, little did I know he had already basically sold my car, with a couple saying yes we will have it and asking me questions on service history and tow bar details, cam belt etc. It seems I was basically all in now, a bit of a rushed sale and decision I didn’t make. I now owned a camper van.
The Camper van had 130,000 miles on it, the Vanlife uk Facebook group all seemed to agree that’s nothing for a van if it's well maintained and serviced, did it have water pump and cam belt changes regularly? I have no idea, I never checked, a fool I know. I decided to take out AA van care insurance, £300 just in case it turned out to be a lemon.
In order to keep this blog less offensive with a 10,000 expletives and swear words blog much akin to a public toilet wall, I will suffice to say I should rename the name from ‘Peper’ to ‘Lemon’. Between, it blowing grey smoke out every 5 hours or so and making it appear to be a James Bond car, to suffocating on fumes and nearly passing out at the wheel, to having to have a new turbo, to having egr valves issues, to having to have the remap and DPF fixed, to breaking down and towed with AA because of a stuck inlet manifold, to having it towed to 3 garages, to buy parts that turned out to not fix the issue at the garage, to a broken turbo again….
When does the heart attack start, and some hot nurse shout clear as she rips my clothes off, (I’m thinking Kate Beckinsale in a tight fitting nurses outfit ) //sickman The van has brought me misery, even as I type this it is out side my house at home unable to start or drive and killing my Christmas holiday vanlife trip I had planned. I spent all of Christmas with nowhere to go or ability to drive. Misery indeed.
What It will cost me, and what the issue is is still to be terminated as I await mates to tow it for me while I am at work.
Pushing the van aside.
Even through all that, even though I feel like a sewage farmer jumping in for a quick swim, passing the shiza big enough to block the biggest of toilets, even as dynarod haul me back out, I still love the van, it’s madness I know, but I miss the van, I want to hang out in the van, I just want the bloody van up and fixed.
The freedom the van brought me, the happiness of being on the road travelling with nowhere to go or times set unless it’s your choosing is beyond any amount of wonga, it helped me mentally I think, my Wales trip was amazing, and gave me a glimpse of what it could bring you. Being out there for 10 days, everyday was an adventure that you simply couldn’t predict, amazeballs.
Get rid of it.
Oh you lascivious snakes, how can I? All the things I have bought and paid for, new tires, roof bars, parking cameras, new circuit boards, new inverters, gadgets.. bedding.. lighting.. how can I get rid now and give it away to somebody else.. here ya go.. fix the motor and all this is yours brand new.. I can’t do it, I need to see this through to the end. I need the dam van fixed.
I have included in this blog a couple of videos to show you just what I have been through, but also included a glimpse of the joy it can bring, it brought me closer to nature again, being out there in the darkness, waking up before tourists arrive, hearing the trees and wildlife, and the endless non sleeping ability as the rain batters the roof more than drunk chav wearing a wife beater. The vanlife rocks I love it and I feel I have only just scratched the surface of what it really means to say you are a vanlifer.
I hope my wallet can hold out under the thunderbust of pillaging that’s going on, and I can get Peper back on the road. You will either see me driving past with glee in my eye, or an AA van towing me as I ball my eyes out kicking and screaming like a child on a packed airplane.
Either way it will be an experience like no other.
To be continued if I can stop my wallet swearing.
Andy.
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